in and out

i had a blog, then i deleted it. i dont know why, but its just i wanted to do that. am i regretting it? kind of, but not too seriously. so, i made a new one where no one knows this blog exists. i can write what i want (yet knowing the limitation, the precaution that should be borne in mind. a lot of things terjadi. yg buruk mahupon yg baik. life!. it was born like that.
here is one.
my dad decided to take cuti tanpa gaji hingga akhir tahon nih. my mother told me the whatsoever-breaking-news. speechless!. i was like 'hahhhhhh? betol ke?'. the first question that popped into my mind is WHY?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT AYAH?. have you gone nuts? has somebody electronized you? was it because you got tired and sick of working, and you want to take a break? my mother was ans still is against his decision. me? partially. well, mostly lah. right now, to rely on scholarships, i think the chances are way too far, dude. with my not-so-awesome result, i think pihak scholars just tutop mate saje when they see my applications. and i only applied for maybank and hsbc. plus, hsbc is not for abroad, only restricted to locally.
i know. I AM DOOMED. plus, with all the brothers, sisters, nannys, atoks, pak ciks, makciks, isteri, haiyaaa, money flows out like a river. everything needs money. money there. money here. i know how my sister used to say to me 'not everything is money', but like it or not, i have to admit, MOST of the things are kachingg!. my mom said 'bukan senang nak dapat kerja seelok ayah. ayah dah kerja for how many years i couldnt recall, till got the safe and secured position with satissfied salary. orang lain berlumbe-lumbe nak dapat kerja seelok tuh, and you, dad, are planning to let it go? and the six of us are still bawah tanggungan. plus, kos sara yang makin lambung melambung, monye seems to get valueless and more valueless. how much a RM100 can buy you?. not much.
how i prayed and still praying so hard to get the scholar, to be able to fly to UK. i know i can go far with studying abroad. HE listens, i know.
ain sudah balek! great news. she does not changed, even a minor bit. not like other people. did i change? maybe yeah. i'm a person with mind-changing. heee :D. we did meet at the playground, and talked for a bit. about whats going on. sharing stories. looking back made me think how fast time passed by, how fast we have grown up. i will be leaving for university life. must be more matured. ehemehem.
a friend of mine told me once. tuhan dah tetapkan rezeki masing-masing. ada certain orang, rezeki die lebih cepat dapat, ada certain orang, rezeki die lambat. rezeki lambat is just a test, ujian untok kesabaran. i do have to admit. sometimes, i lost my patience. i started blaming all sorts of thing. i started questioning myself plus the others. sounds weird, i feel weird too. heee :D. anyways, ingatlah tuhan is always and always listening to your prayers. DIA MAHA MENDENGAR. sometimes, ambik mase yang panjang for ALLAH to grant all your prayers. but, sometimes, sekjap sahaja. well folks. again, ujian.
life is not always macam kite expected it to be. if its not, then macam heaven lah life ni. wawawawa

oke. i want to blahh. chow