booo and booo

i think blogging has bored me

doom

i have told my concerns, my worries, my problems, my complicated life to ain
but, still, masih xdapat nk hilang segala bagai kepeningan, keresahan, kecuakan dan anak pinak die
aku rase down sangat, aku rase risao sgt. tapi, pepasal aku tak nanges? pelik. no. tak pelik pon
aku nih bukan ade perasaan sgt kat org lain ke kat diri sendiri
i'm just heartless. alaaa. org lain pon mcm tuh gak esp stupid boys kan ?
shit boys .
aku rase peluang aku semakin narrow dan narrow
aku nak cari jalan keluar, tapi smpai skrg aku tak jumpe
bnyk kah dose aku? terlalu banyakkah kebencian dlm diri ku?
ego kah aku ?
ade rezeki tuh, ade lar
tapi, korang kene tahu termasuk aku, REZEKI TAK DATANG BERGOLEK!
kene usaha.. aku dh usaha, tapi aku takot usaha aku tak cukop
mcm yg terjadik dlm exam..aku nak menanges setiap kali pikir pasal result exam aku yg bakal keluar tak lame lagi
aku tak sanggup weh dpt result terok..AKU TAK SANGGUP


TO BE CONTINUED

don't marry me

no one knows this blog exists . which is a good thing tho .
marriage is a sunnah right ? . yerp .
but, if i do not believe in marriage, is it a wrong thing to do that ?
i do not want to marry because it is a must to do so. i want to marry because i have found someone to marry to.
have i found that someone ? norp .
i'm not even searching for one .
i hate being controlled . i truly hate it .
everything that i do is driven by the force ' I WANT ' not I'M FORCED TO DO .
i hate being yelled at.  dude, cant you just speak properly?!
do i need to marry? do i?

it's raining

is it wrong for me not to believe in what-so-called-the-love-shit?
is   it   wrong  ?
is it wrong for me to call all of the boys SHIT ?
is  it  wrong  ?
i have not yet learned how to love the sang Pencipta who created me, do i have the right to love anyone else before HIM ?
n o . i'm still searching for HIS love.
why would i desperately want to find my mr right's love ?
why are people so desperate to be in relationship huh ? is it a must then ? is it something to show off to ur friends ? is it because you feel lonely ?
i admit.
i do feel jealous people who are already coupled. but, not the very much jealous. slightly.
but, i have friends. i have my family. more importantly, the HIM.
percayalah. as long as you have all this love, you wouldnt think much of this kind of shitty crappy love.
i'm not totally against love, but when i see desperation towards love, i become WTH?
i do respect others' perspective.
i wouldnt go and tell orang yang berkapel to break off. i'm not that mad. perghhh.
its just there are so so so many things to think about apart from love love and love.
tuhan dah ciptakan seorang perempuan untuk seorang lelaki :)
your time will soon come. just doa. :)
its ok to be single what.
my firends used to ask ' ko macam mne?'
with a :), i answered ' just fine '
plus, i have studies. belom kerja lagi. so, no need la. i'm not matured enough. there's more to learn. so, i think, I AM NOT PREPARED .
much more comfortable being this way. tak yah nak pening2 kepala. teehee :)

in and out

i had a blog, then i deleted it. i dont know why, but its just i wanted to do that. am i regretting it? kind of, but not too seriously. so, i made a new one where no one knows this blog exists. i can write what i want (yet knowing the limitation, the precaution that should be borne in mind. a lot of things terjadi. yg buruk mahupon yg baik. life!. it was born like that.
here is one.
my dad decided to take cuti tanpa gaji hingga akhir tahon nih. my mother told me the whatsoever-breaking-news. speechless!. i was like 'hahhhhhh? betol ke?'. the first question that popped into my mind is WHY?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT AYAH?. have you gone nuts? has somebody electronized you? was it because you got tired and sick of working, and you want to take a break? my mother was ans still is against his decision. me? partially. well, mostly lah. right now, to rely on scholarships, i think the chances are way too far, dude. with my not-so-awesome result, i think pihak scholars just tutop mate saje when they see my applications. and i only applied for maybank and hsbc. plus, hsbc is not for abroad, only restricted to locally.
i know. I AM DOOMED. plus, with all the brothers, sisters, nannys, atoks, pak ciks, makciks, isteri, haiyaaa, money flows out like a river. everything needs money. money there. money here. i know how my sister used to say to me 'not everything is money', but like it or not, i have to admit, MOST of the things are kachingg!. my mom said 'bukan senang nak dapat kerja seelok ayah. ayah dah kerja for how many years i couldnt recall, till got the safe and secured position with satissfied salary. orang lain berlumbe-lumbe nak dapat kerja seelok tuh, and you, dad, are planning to let it go? and the six of us are still bawah tanggungan. plus, kos sara yang makin lambung melambung, monye seems to get valueless and more valueless. how much a RM100 can buy you?. not much.
how i prayed and still praying so hard to get the scholar, to be able to fly to UK. i know i can go far with studying abroad. HE listens, i know.
ain sudah balek! great news. she does not changed, even a minor bit. not like other people. did i change? maybe yeah. i'm a person with mind-changing. heee :D. we did meet at the playground, and talked for a bit. about whats going on. sharing stories. looking back made me think how fast time passed by, how fast we have grown up. i will be leaving for university life. must be more matured. ehemehem.
a friend of mine told me once. tuhan dah tetapkan rezeki masing-masing. ada certain orang, rezeki die lebih cepat dapat, ada certain orang, rezeki die lambat. rezeki lambat is just a test, ujian untok kesabaran. i do have to admit. sometimes, i lost my patience. i started blaming all sorts of thing. i started questioning myself plus the others. sounds weird, i feel weird too. heee :D. anyways, ingatlah tuhan is always and always listening to your prayers. DIA MAHA MENDENGAR. sometimes, ambik mase yang panjang for ALLAH to grant all your prayers. but, sometimes, sekjap sahaja. well folks. again, ujian.
life is not always macam kite expected it to be. if its not, then macam heaven lah life ni. wawawawa

oke. i want to blahh. chow